A few weeks ago, an interesting conversation kicked up on Tumblr when several people started talking about how hard it is to find sex-repulsed perspectives in the asexual community. Because I am chronically late, I feel that now would be a great time to chime in on that.
Thing is, we’re right here. We’re just being really quiet about it.
In which I talk more about why we rarely hear from repulsed aces about repulsion/sex-aversion in asexual communities. Go check it out!
how is it possible to understand loving someone romantically but not being sexually attracted to them, yet the concept of romantic asexuality is completely out there to you
what the fuck how is it possible to be this wilfully ignorant
it’s just so
1. The unbeliever
- "You’re just a late bloomer."
- "You’ll grow out of it."
- "You’re just saying that because you can’t get laid."
- "No way, you’re a man, men aren’t like that."
- "You’re just playing hard to get."
- "You just want attention."
- "You’re just trying to seem special/different/trendy."
- "No way, you’ve had sex before, you’re not asexual."
- "You must be faking it because natural selection wouldn’t allow asexuality to persist."
2. The unwanted sympathizer
- "I feel sorry for you."
- "Wow, that sucks."
- "You don’t know what you’re missing."
- "I can’t imagine a life without sex!"
- "Your life must be so empty/lonely/pointless."
- "Aww, but I’m sure you’ll find someone who wants to date you!"
- "You just haven’t met the right person yet."
3. The intrusive questioner
- "Do you masturbate?"
- "What do your genitals look like?"
- "Don’t you ever get horny?"
- "What happens when you have a sex dream?"
- "Is it because of your religion?"
- "Do you have something wrong with your genitals?"
- "Did somebody hurt you?"
- "Were you sexually abused or something?"
- "Did you get raped?"
4. The asshole questioner
- "Do you reproduce by budding?"
- "Do you still think [opposite sex] have cooties?"
- "So are you in love with yourself?"
- "Are you attracted to animals?"
- "But everybody likes sex, what’s wrong with you?"
5. The unnecessary therapist
- "Have you tried having your hormones checked?"
- "You’re just afraid to get close to people."
- "You’re in denial about being gay."
- "You’re not asexual, you’re just shy/frigid/repressed."
- "You must be a psychopath."
- "You probably have [insert mental disorder here]."
- "You should seek therapy."
- "Have you tried Viagra?"
- "Do you think you’re not worthy of being loved?"
- "But what if you change your mind some day?"
- "You should keep an open mind in case you meet somebody special."
- "You’re afraid of sex/intimacy/falling in love."
- "If you don’t like sex then you must not have been doing it right."
- "How can you know you don’t want it if you’ve never tried it?"
6. The progressive who gets upset without having a clue what you’re talking about
- "Stop slut-shaming people!"
- "You’re being homophobic."
- "You’re appropriating the struggles of REAL queer people."
- "Since when have you ever been oppressed for NOT having sex?"
- "That’s not a real sexual orientation."
- "What, do you think you’re better than me for not having sex?"
- "You’re repressed, you need to be sexually liberated."
7. The conservative who gets upset without having a clue what you’re talking about
- "All women are like that."
- "You’re being selfish by not getting married."
- "If you don’t procreate, your life is pointless."
- "Not having sex is unnatural."
- "You’re sinning against God."
- "You have a duty to your parents/ancestors to give them grandchildren."
8. The creep
- "You just need to get laid."
- "I can change your mind."
- "I’m Robin Thicke."
- "Someone should just force you to have sex so you’ll realize you like it."
9. The actually decent person
- "You’re asexual? Okay, cool. Have you seen my keys, by the way?"
- "What does that mean?"
- "Do you mind if I ask questions about asexuality, since I’m kind of new to the concept?"
Hello everyone! Seb here. I didn’t feel up to doing my video today, but I also didn’t feel right not saying anything at all, so this will have to do.
We’ve gotten intros out of the way and are starting on our topics, and this week the subject is visibility. Why it’s necessary, what’s the point of it, and all that.
It came up quite a bit on Tumblr during Ace Awareness Week, and I see it popping up still. People didn’t and don’t understand why it was even worth mentioning.
When I’m reading posts on my dash or in the tags there are a lot of people just saying, “I found out about asexuality, and it’s helped me see that I’m not broken,” and things like that. It helped them figure out who they are and that there’s nothing wrong with them.
Often when asexuals come out to people we’re met with a lot of disbelief, a lot of confusion and sometimes it’s well intentioned but other times it’s incredibly hurtful. They don’t know what it is, or they automatically think about plants (which is a failure of their botanical knowledge, since most plants do reproduce sexually but I digress). They don’t know that they’re wrong or won’t admit that they’re wrong, so they make some silly joke that seems innocuous, but hearing the same things every time you come out gets tedious.
Part of visibility is just education, and letting non-aces and asexuals who haven’t yet heard of the term know that it’s a thing and it’s real and no it doesn’t mean you’re broken or weird can save people a lot of pain and confusion and the frustration of having to define what asexuality is every. Single. Time. That it’s mentioned.
Asexuality is often treated like a joke or an illness and proper visibility and education is needed to dispel these assumptions.
Again, we’ve got places open in our schedule if you want to be a guest. Just send us a message and we’ll get back to you.
If you have any questions you’d like answered or topics you want covered, you can message us those as well, leave a comment on the Youtube channel, or send us a tweet.
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
- Black: The dark hole of void and pointlessness which we all succumb to in the end
- Grey: the grey morality in which we are all eventually subjected to
- White: the white sweater I am currently wearing
- Purple: the pure unadulterated hatred of ten thousand shimmering mermaids
This sure does look like a serious question, Anon! Please send it to Asexual Science instead. Also, I will make a note to add it to our FAQ and proceed to immediately forget about it, because this question has been asked a lot.
Today we have Seb’s intro video!
- Poppy from Huge (TV show)
- Fiona from Supernormal Step (webcomic)
- Gerald from Shortland Street (TV show, reflections here)
- Orson and Robbie from Ignition Zero (webcomic)
- Erin from Girls with Slingshots (webcomic)
- Tori from Quicksilver (novel, review here)
- Anwar from Shades of A (webcomic)
- Kevin from Guardian of the Dead (novel, review in issue #22)
- Tarma from the Vows and Honor series (novel, review here)
seeing as it’s ace awareness week, i feel like now’s as good a time as any to remind the world that if you need to talk or anything my askbox is always open!
also, Acetronauts launched yesterday! we’re a vlogging channel discussing asexuality and whatnot from a largely personal perspective, and i’m sure we’ll being doing other stuff with the tumblr as and when it comes up! we’re doing introductions this fortnight, so get to know our lovely faces and voices and stay tuned for alllllllllll of our wonderful opinions!
man you know what i want more of
fic with ace characters being in charge of the ~~sex negotiations~~
fic where the compromise is “i am not going to do the sex with you”
fic where maybe they settle on polyamory or platonic sexual partners for whoever wants the sex
fic where two aces are in a relationship and maybe they have different thoughts on the sex
or where two aces are in a relationship and everything is great
i mean what i would like is for people to stop using asexuality as a fancy flavour or ~~exotic conflict~~ for their ships and stop “fixing” the ace partner, but i’ve frequently been told i want too much from life
Good day, everyone!
We are the good ship Acetronauts (I don’t understand space, I’m going to get that out of the way now,) and we’ll shortly be bringing you delicious captain’s logs from the year This Year talking about asexuality and all the things that means. Mostly it means we’re Asexual, but it’s a pretty rich talking point! In the near future, we’ll be tackling such topics as, “who are these enimagtic vloggers?” “What do they want from us?” And, “is it true Asexuals subsist on a diet based around cake and cake-like products, like some sort of patisserie vampires?” (The answer is no.)
Please keep your peepers peeled for us and our wonderful faces - though don’t peel them in a literal sense, as that would be incredibly painful and leave you open to all sorts of nasty infections - and if you have any suggestions for topics you’d like to see us wrangle, or would like to contribute as a guest, please do drop us an ask and we’ll see what we can do.
-Your friendly neighbourhood Acetronauts